I will soon be a Senior citizen

On Feb 18 2014 when I got up at 6 am and sipped bed tea, I expressed, “Half my youth was spent in knowing what to do while remaining half is being spent on doing things that I am otherwise not suppose to do.” So does that mean I could not know what was I destined to do and what am I doing?

I never knew what I liked or enjoyed doing. All the liking/disliking that I ever had was deep inside my mind and imagination. The life’s routine, challenges and schedules never let me dare to let it flow freely out into action. 

However, this started changing two years back when I decided to let my impulsiveness have a free run in my life. Since then I have same time and routine but I am more happy since I still find time to do things that I love. I have read more books than I read in last 15 years, cycled more than 5700 km, clicked more photographs vis-a-vis nil since childhood. I became more receptive to make new friends though no major success achieved. My truthfulness and frankness continues to defeat me to make friends.

When I was 22 years, I got married to my love without a thought if I will ever complete my education. My only hope to ever have a stable income to support my family was from my successful completion of post graduation. Somehow I graduated. 

Things moved on since then…If I recollect correctly I never thought 10 years ahead. My thinking was….”I have a long way to go. Its just first few years and then I will be free to do what I am destined to do and enjoy my life the way I want to.” 

With every passing year, I became more rationale and reasonable. My mind was winning every debate with my heart reasoning that time was lost and now there was no choice but to drag-on, move-on. My heart and feelings for things I wanted to do were reduced to day dreams that I could afford to enjoy only during weekends.  

So I decided to approach it differently. Why can I not believe that I have a short period before I grow old and finally lose the battle to my mind. I wanted to give a final chance to my heart to have a free run. I said to myself, “I just have 2 years before I retire. I will be a senior citizen in two years.” This is fueling the ember of my desires to burst into action before the time is lost forever. 

Will I extend the deadline further………?