Questions- sincere attempt at self-introspecton

Why do I tend to get upset when people disagree with me? Is it arrogance? Is it some unpleasant experience that comes to influence my behavior towards a particular person or a situation?

Why do I keep reasoning within, I am right? Why can I not shut my mouth for matters I may have opinion on but not utter anything?

Why Am I so over enthusiastic and then on facing a little criticism, I fall apart? 

Why will I fall into words, moods or opinions of others and make them my own understanding and feelings?

Why am I not learning from my past mistakes and repeated ones in similar situations? 

Why do I try to go overboard in building a repo as a performer in employment? 

Why am I so insecure? Why am I so insecure about a job? Why did I forget so soon, the desperation when I quit my last job and unemployed for 4 months?

Why do I fail to realize that the world is both smart and fool to know your shortcomings?

Is it my too sincere a feedback that may bring people to connect with me but subsequently withdraw as well?

Am I too adamant as a human?

What is my problem in life?

Am I not trustworthy? Am I an opportunist? Am I risk averse?

Have I ever loved anyone truly other than Monica? Why does she continues to be an anchor in my life?

Why do I regret when I forget to consciously remember my daughter who is in a boarding school? 

Am I too sick/fool/lazy to priortize in my life? Am I inefficient? 

When will I be my true self? 

Am I a fool? Am I clever? Am I an atheist? Am I a manipulator? 

Are all of the above words of a pessimist?

Thinking Women

I have evolved in my thinking and feelings for opposite sex. I am entering 40s  now.

In my teens, I looked upon girls as attractive and beautiful to stare at. Good to talk and be in their company. By my late teens, I did not mind fantasing having sex with any of those I felt attracted to. 

In early twenties, the feeling for the one I fell for was of commitment and respect. But for others it turned indifferent. I did  think for anyone other than my love. 

In my late twenties, the relationship with females extended to being a father as well. It did not matter to me about the gender of my kid. My emotions towards females otherwise continued to be of indifference. However, I did not spare a glance if someone with attractive-physical attributes passed by. 

In early thirties, despite parenting one more daughter, my approach towards females hovered around their physical attributes. I did not mind talking to ones I felt attracted to. Discussions with some extended to sharing their preferences about sex as well. At this phase of life, my belief about women seeking a purpose before deciding to have sex were put to test. Some preferred to give it a try or ‘experience difference’ but not without ensuring the secrecy of the act. 

In my late thirties, my approach with women was more balanced. Even if some opened up about their unhappiness including but not limited to physical needs, I did not end-up in bed fantasing to have sex with them. The nuetrality has returned and approach is ‘as it comes’ and no effort to impress anyone with any special interest. 

Today, when I am in early 40s, the whole physical thing has vanished. I am no longer interested in even a stare. Forget fantasing. I have begun to feel that women are different when it comes to their approach towards events in life. Let them the way they are. Let them be free in what they want to. Never preach them. Advise only when asked to and with no expectations of bein rewarded in any manner.

Today, I seem to be laughing more at jokes of husband-wife and how women at times miss a point that a man is trying to make. Despite all of physical attraction etc. In early stage of my life, I have never been aggressive towards any of them. 

I will continue to be so but why spare a laughter on driving skills of women. I am now sure they do not need special treatment. They love and prefer to be close to men who are casual towards them, less demanding and generous (ofcourse in spending; they all love gifts- pun intended).

Happy Women’s Day

Finding a match

Just before being unemployed for four months last year, I was primarily involved in hiring the middle and top management. The Job was assigned as an additional responsibility courtesy having known and understood the business needs and culture for 5 years then. 

Multiple iterations were involved in defining the job and recruitment consultants were assigned the task of shortlisting. Sample profiles being circulated amongst the members of the hiring committee. Timelines were defined. Someone had put across a JD as well.

 But by the time the first few shortlists were called for the interview, the JD was long forgotten. What remained in memory was few words describing the JD i.e. may be just the job title. For e.g. CFO with manufacturing experience.
Later, when I was myself a potential recruit, the experience still did not change. I applied for a job descriptions that seemed utopian, roles that only a super human or God would qualify for.

Hiring is not easy. It’s like a match-making for courtship. If it lasts, it will not for meeting the expectations but adjusting to the needs and priorities that evolve with passage of time. Learning this trait costs time and money. If successful it would still be a random event.

A research published in HBR outlines the top skills that professionals intend to possess. People management skills were rated far lower then technical skills that robots are likely to replace soon. With quants in hands of robots, the world will be simple again – we would need humans who come together for tasks that no robot may perform for centuries together. 

So coming back on criticality of JD, it is important to:

A. Define a JD that is realistic

B. Not forgotten when transitioning into the hiring process

C. Spread the process over a few months atleast in case of senior recruits

D. Keep JD realistic. Re-confirm whether the requirements being listed can be defined as skills. If not, then please keep them out of the JD.

Back to Basics

I was asked “Why did you leave your last Company?” I could have been more refined when I blurted out the truth. But I said, “keeda hai” (urge to change even if for sake of it).

Today, when I face the same usual challenges that I had faced earlier, I feel like going back to basics. I wonder if changing jobs is actually helping me “cross the chasm” as felt by the professional inside me. 

The urge to deliver, to make-it-happen, to do it for ‘self’ and not only for the employer, to be sincere, to make an impact, to focus and deliver ONLY results is something that gives me sleepless nights. 
But then I am always back to basics and I may keep doing so in future as well. 
May be basics here are the basic traits that I outlined above.

 I wonder?

Picking up a sport

Monica is overwhelmed by the fact that she is back in Chandigarh and can now easily get our daughters to pick sport of their liking. 

My elder daughter does have a strong built but she may not be very regular with any of the sports she is pursuing. But its a different story with regards to my younger daughter.

Within first 10 days of skating in a ring under the supervision of a trained coach, she is gaining the confidence and getting adept at speed skating. Coach has words of appreciation for her and sees a lot of promise in her.

When we were in Delhi, my daughter was doing great at Karate, Bharatnatyam and drawing. Here in Chandigarh, I as her father wants her to continue with Bharatnatyam and Karate. I believe Karate will help her maintain the flexibility and agility she has gained while being in Delhi. Also, I believe her ability to use her drawing skills will keep the creative quotient at peak.

All of these expectations as parents is most likely to build a pressure on our daughter. “Ensure that you do not get carried away by the importance of sport and let her studies suffer”, is my remark to Monica.

I realise that studies no longer guaranttee a future but nor does sports. So we as parents have to be extra careful to find a balance and not burden our angel with multiple activities.

Second thought


Contrary to my impulsiveness, I have begun learning about my second thoughts as well. I have quite a few of them, usually. 
Second thoughts are welcome but the moment they curb my feelings of independence or make me insecure, I desist from encouraging them further. As a consequence, I may have taken decisions that turn out to be wrong but then as a second thought I can take pride to dare taking those.

I had a second thought on whether the decision to move to a smaller city will work. I had a second thought on whether my elder daughter should comtinue for one more year at a boarding school. I had a second thought everytime I wanted to change my job. I had a second thought to be an entrepreneur instead. 

I was critiqued in past for being open about my second thoughts. In hindi I was said, “Thali ka baigan” which means akin to a brinjal in a plate that can swing on either side. One of my friend rates me as an individual who can argue both ‘for’ and ‘against’. 

As a second thought, I realized that this may be a trait that world fails to reckon with. I read Karl Popper on ‘Logic on Scientific Discovery’ and Nassim Nicholas Taleb on ‘Fooled by Randomness’. 

As a second thought I am a special one to be living…