Any action repeated in relation to time defines a habit?. But I want to question my own habits rationally. How have any of my habits helped me make my life different?
My answer is maybe sometimes. Since I cannot remember if any of the habits I picked consciously. Maybe let me list out habits that I am known for since childhood and then maybe question my own rationale for repeating them.
a. I rise early, max 6 a.m., and I am out of bed. Not due to habit or personal interest but since I have to leave for school by 7:15 a.m.
b. I water the plants in my garden as asked by my parents.
c. I talk less and prefer to stay within myself. Hardly have friends—I remember my parents and grandparents restricting having friends.
d. I always behave as an obedient child—By obedient, I mean disciplined and well-behaved especially when not at home with my parents.
e. I started journaling post-2009—more of a way of acknowledging myself by myself. May have helped me with clarity. This habit like all others still stays but then it is a way to write for myself. It is a need that is satiated by journaling. And since I am not regular, it cannot be a habit.
f. My spouse says—it is so easy for me to move on whether cities, jobs, relationships, or habits. Does this in any manner hint at me not having any habits?
In my personal experience, habits program us, like a fitness regime that helps us achieve a goal (end result). The idea itself marred in desires and ‘control’.
I believe there is a plan—‘God has a plan’ is a far better mindset coupled with ethical manifesting for my desires. But I don’t have a plan and never did I till date. The only thing consistent is a thought and intent.
I don’t know if it is my meditating or emotional intelligence—whatever it may be— but I am able to focus on the task at hand at that moment. Some examples: Now riding, in a meeting, attending to an errand at work, dealing with a conflict at work, calling kids back home, tending to my own impulses. All this happening as a routine, yet they cannot be defined as habits.
A better term for constantly transitioning is fluidity. Maybe a better word than ‘move on’. But is it self-sabotaging, being fluid?
If I draw interpretations from The Mountain is You book that I’m reading, then all of this is self-sabotaging. A way to distract or console myself from what I should actually be doing.
For a moment, if self-sabotage is a fact for me, I may be distracting myself from discomfort and vulnerability. But then where is ‘habits’ in all of this? Maybe self-sabotaging thinking is a habit. Is it?
In a nutshell, I will prefer to live with belief, and not a habit, that my self knows constant motion feels safer than the stillness. But is staying in motion protecting me from discomfort, or guiding me toward a deeper understanding of myself? Maybe that’s a question worth exploring further.
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